Student Exchange Programs

This is a long one… My 20Y old daughter was invited by my wife’s sister to visit their family in Europe. Her uncle works for the goverment and they have lived in many countries. Daughter is a full time student, saved up and paid for her own airfare and recently spent 15 days there. The stay included a trip to Ireland for 3 days that her aunt and uncle paid for. She returned a few days ago (changed her flight to to return 2 days early because she was homesick) and just after she was dropped off at the airport, my wife received a call from her sister that our daughter was rude and did hurtful things and spoiled everyone’s holiday: said she was non-trusting (counting her money frequently); rarely offered to treat their hosts for meals; while staying at the hotel in Ireland (aunt, cousin, and daughter in same room) threatened her aunt and sister because they wouldn’t let her sleep (said she wanted to kick them); expected to be invited along when they went out to dance clubs; pouted when she was not invited to go with her aunt, cousin and a friend for a day trip to Amsterdam(more on that later); was standoffish to many other guests that visited during the holidays; rarely said thank you; chewed a pickle with her mouth open and after being told ‘a million times’ not to (her aunt tends to exagerrate a lot); ‘disecting’ her cousins boyfriend up and down, then telling her how disgusting he was (her cousin used to live with her mom in europe was also visiting from the states - the boyfriend was a european); and that she stole what was at first 20 euros from the cousin, then a day later is was 25-30 euros, then in an email one day ago it went to up to 100 euros (her uncle indicated it was more like 25-30 euros, 20 from the cousin and possibly a few euros that were lying around the house) and suggested that it could have been lost anywhere - my wife says he is just being diplomatic.

Background on my daughter, this is the first time she has stayed anywhere more than one nite and her only experience out of the country was on a cruise with my wife and I. She is a little geeky and a bookworm; does have a problem with selfishness, wanting to do things she likes to do; is immature for her age; hates to have her sleep interrupted; probably read too many european romance novels; chews pickles with her mouth open; terrible at math - reason for re-counting her money all the time - trying to get the exchange rate right; and is very frugal with her money. But the thing I can’t understand is the accusation that she stole money, she has never stolen anything from anyone, unless you count she and her sister ‘tempoarily borrowing’ each others clothes.

While she was there I received a couple of calls from my daughter. The first about 8 days in saying she was having a great time, with the exception of not getting much sleep in Ireland. Said she was a little homesick but she was looking forward to the rest of her visit. (We also received a call from her aunt relaying the perceived threat, but asking us not to say anything to her because she felt things were going better) She also emailed once that even though they had been to only 3 countries, she was having a great time, gushed about her uncle, and again said she missed us. The next phone call came around Christmas and she indicated that she was getting bored, apparently many house guests were in and out and nearly all of them, aunt and cousin included, were into smoking non-tobacco products, and she did not want to spend much time out of her room. (I did not know they would be smoking or we would not have let her go…) She said she was glad they didn’t take her with them to Amsterdam once she found out what they would be doing there (her uncle took her sightseeing in-country that day). And she was excited to be going on a day trip to another country a couple of days after the holiday. Then 2 days later I recieved the last call that she was changing her flight and coming home the day after she came back from her daytrip because she was homesick.

My daughter lives with us, but has been staying for the last few days with her Mom who lives nearby. She is coming home in a couple of days. My wife sides with her sister and says that her sister wouldn’t lie and that she is guilty of whatever her sister says. We are on the verge of breakup at this point. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation when she gets here??